It was my 23rd birthday but all I could feel was the urge to stand in an empty space and scream till I evaporate into air. Albeit, I have never been that person that goes all out for birthdays, but something about this felt so different. It was like something was missing, there was a vacuum that needed to be filled. At a point, I was wondering if I had made a Faustian bargain that was back to hunt my butt. But trust me, I wish that was the case. I still felt my usual hypochondria that I had some brain malfunction.
My birthday eve was for photo shoots and trust me in those moments I felt good, I felt me, I felt whole. But as soon as it was over, I was back to that Sisyphean ambivalent feeling- Now am scared cause I know I had to find the root cause. Now it’s the 26th on March and as I woke up, there was the EUREKA moment- Yah It’s my birthday. I picked my phone and as usual, my social media feeds were filled with well wishes- You know am happy about social media because now the burden of having to remember one’s birthday is no longer my responsibility. Now I have less people getting mad at me.
I do my usual morning ritual and boom something comes swiftly across my face like a whirling angry wind, it was impossible not to notice. Can you guess what it was????? It was FEAR. One of the most dangerous feeling anyone can ever accommodate. Why was I scared? I had accomplish so much at 23 that should make me so happy. I quickly realize it was FEAR of the future- Fear that I would not reach my full potential or accomplish my goals. Why should JOAN, who has read so much books about FEAR become a victim? I still can’t explain that part !!!!
Well, I know a lot of people out there feel the same. But I don’t know about you, for me this year I will make conscious effort to think confidence, hope, and faith, You know why? Fear is like a bondage, it steals and destroys your true self. It is true that MEN ARE MOTIVATED BY FEAR AND NOT LOVE. But this same fear can be a destroyer and I guess it’s the destructiveness I felt and not the motivation. The bible mentions “FEAR NOT” over 365, It’s not a coincident. It only implies emphasis. Are you ready to conquer your fear?
COURAGE IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF FEAR, BUT THE TRIUMPH OVER IT. THE BRAVE MAN IS NOT HE WHO DOES NOT FEEL AFRAID, BUT HE WHO CONQUERS THAT FEAR