It was sometime early September 2019, the usual itch began. The itch when you feel bored, unfulfilled, uninspired and ultimately devoid of purpose. Work had suddenly become slow, I had put my aspiration to begin my Doctorate on hold after speaking to a mentor. The year was fast coming to an end and I felt like I had not accomplished anything major for 2019. I had several initiatives in the pipeline but none was brewing as fast as I had anticipated or desired. Then somewhere in my mind the fitness competition I had kept for 2020 resurfaced and I began to ask myself why I could not take it on for 2019. Just a bit of background on this competition. I met a colleague who competes in these events and I was inspired. I thought this is a fantastic opportunity to put everything I love into something- and that is fitness, pageantry, inspiration, and competing. My colleague Roxi had done so well in all her competitions while soaring at work as well and when I informed her I wanted to do same she was very supportive of the idea but for the longest time I procrastinated by giving her reasons why I could not compete. I knew this would require discipline and sacrifice but I underestimated by how much. What I did though was make up my mind one weekend that I was going to do this. I informed my colleague and she immediately provided me all the contacts I required. Meanwhile, I was travelling every week from Ottawa to Toronto for work but I made sure I was not going to hide in that excuse. I reached out to Roxi’s trainer Alana for an assessment. She informed me that while I had a short time to prep (12 weeks) , she was convinced I could do it. And that was all I needed to hear. The craziness began! Alana designed a meal plan that measured my macros and calories to the finickiest detail. I also got an exercise plan that required daily cardio and muscle work. I had to drink atleast 3 litres of water daily which soon got to 8 litres and I kept a daily diary of key statistics. This required a complete overhaul of my lifestyle. I had to get food and body scale to measure everything and anything, I had to quickly learn about protein supplements (pea, whey and isolates) and I had to meal prep to a particular level of detail. Lucky for me I had great support. My hotel made accommodations for me, my friend (Ian) committed to taking shoots of me every 4 weeks to measure my progress with a better lens, Roxi committed to training with me every week. I had to learn the routines, deal with my cravings and the overall body weakness that comes with all the intensity. To top it all off, this was going to cost me a lot (approximately $3,500 CAD). Again when I started, I tried to rationalize the amount it was going to cost me. I thought of all my other financial commitments and I almost back out. 8 weeks in and it really got tough. I started to feel so weak that I would shed tears some days. Tears of pain, tears of frustration and ultimately tears of joy. Every week my trainer started to top up my exercise and reduce my meal. At the beginning of every week I convinced her that there was no way I could do it but then come the end of the week I was exceeding the goal. I had meet whatever challenge she set for me. Some days, I was amazed how much stamina I had developed and how much my body was changing. I was losing 1 pound almost every other day. Everyone at the gym was fascinated by my dedication. Arriving at the gym before 6am and clocking my 2 hrs doing cardio and lifting weights. One of the most profound period for me was when my coach decided I start using the stair-master for cardio. The first time I got on the machine I spent 20 mins at a max of level 5 and spent all day convincing her that the machine was not for me. There was no way my body was going to survive that. Alana being the fantastic coach took out every cardio workout and informed me that all my cardio would be on the stair-master going forward with a goal to burn 850 calories in 1 hour at a minimum of level 8. The first time I attempted this I burnt 850 in 1hr 30mins and I felt like death itself. But exactly one week later I was burning 850 cals in 1 hour with a minimum of level 13. It amazed me how much progress I made in 1 week. By competition I was doing steady state at level 20 burning 950 calories in 50 mins. I did keep a diary on my insta story of all my activities and while I got the occasional ignorant comments what I received was mainly support and messages from people I was inspiring. This was my ultimate WHY. Every thing I do and continue to do is to help people be the best versions of themselves, inspiring them to strive for better and pursue whatever goals they have while I live my life to the fullest creating my own rules and ignoring dogma’s- result of other peoples thinking. Competition day was an experience. I flew to Mississauga and had to plan meticulously. The tan, makeup, hotel, food, guest etc. I looked pretty on the day, was excited and most of all, I had my tribe there to support me. I love these friends. They stayed 7 hrs at the event cheering me and Roxi. My coach Alana was watching the live event while staying in contact. What more could I ask for. I felt blessed. It was inspiring to see the other competitors and the dedication they had put in. Ladies over 40 years looking fabulously gorgeous. I came 2nd place in the Bikini category but didn’t place for fitness model. We all had thought fitness category was my stronger category as I was toned and built for it. Regardless, I felt like a winner in all my categories. Going on stage and finishing was enough win I needed. Now the competition is over. And you think it is all over but that’s is a lie because the real work begins. I fell sick a day before the competition probably because I needed to dehydrate my body for competition day. But even after the competition my body needed to slowly ease out of all the intense workout and dieting. This is what we popularly call reverse dieting. I still needed to do my daily workout and restrict my meals. How do I maintain that level of discipline given I have no goal I am working towards. To make it worse I scheduled my first trip back to Nigeria 1 week after. Another issue I struggle with is letting go of the body I have WORKED so hard to get. While others want me to put on weight and look normal I want to maintain the look I worked crazy hard for. This started to make sense as people kept asking if I had gotten the workout bug. I soon discovered this was not uncommon among competitors. I know I have to take a step back to my WHY and figure out what life/body I wanted going forward. The competition is over, what is next? I am still working on my new WHY as I oscillate between eating a lot or too little, feeling pity for myself, going to the gym daily with no defined purpose and dealing with so much mixed feelings. It is all a journey and I am so happy to share with you